


Before, During, and After it All

by CKGrillie



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Gen, Loneliness, Sad, Suicidal Peter Parker, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tony Has Issues, idk - Freeform, people don't notice, well i mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 04:32:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14156796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CKGrillie/pseuds/CKGrillie
Summary: Before, none of them notice a thing. During, Peter recalls everything. After, they all see where it went wrong. But it's too late.





	Before, During, and After it All

**Author's Note:**

> ok, bear with me here, i wrote this all in one go so it's kinda trash but it's just an idea i had in my head that i wanted to get out. probably grammar mistakes (present tense is hard!) and i don't have a beta. literally tho, written in one go. chill. hope u enjoy.

After, they notice. But after is too late.

**Aunt May**

May, sweet, hardworking Aunt May had always been Peter's rock. Through his life she had always been there, a steady, comforting presence he could rely on above all else. When Peter became Spider-Man, she knew something was up, but let his lame excuses and made-up explanations slide by. Recently, though, Peter feels like their relationship has begun to get a little stressed and he begins to wonder if it's his fault. The next night, when he comes home bleeding and bruised May takes one look at him and asks him to leave.

"W-what?" Peter stutters, cause she wouldn't, couldn't ever ask that. He must of misunderstood.

"I just-I just can't _deal_ with this Peter. The lying, sneaking and just _everything_ is too much for me. It's just...I feel like it'd be easier for me if you weren't around here anymore." May continues speaking but Peters mind is stuck on ' _I feel like it'd be easier for me if you weren't around here anymore._ '

"B-but Aunt May I just-" he manages to stutter out.

"Peter please." She interrupts, rubbing her temples and sitting down on the couch tiredly. "Can you just stay at Ned's house for a few days or something? I..I need time alone, time to think. Just please pack what you need leave." It breaks her to say this but she really needs her space and at the moment, this is the only way she feels she can get it. ' _Peter probably needs a break too,_ ' she reasons, ' _to figure out whatever he's going through_.'

Peter stands there for another second in shock, and then he's frantically shoving stuff into his tattered backpack so he can just _get out_. His emotions are almost flowing over but the last thing he needs is to make Aunt May feel guilty for what she clearly has wanted for a long time. After packing, he stands in the doorway for just a second before walking out of the apartment for what he figures is the last time.

**Ned**

After Aunt May kicks him out, Peter spends a lot of time on top of buildings before figuring he should ask Ned for a huge favor: a place to stay. When he arrives at Ned's house, however, he notices how run-down the place is. He wonder how he never noticed the first 800 times he was here, but figures it's because of how he feels right now projecting onto how he sees the place and not that it was actually this...worn. Peter knocks on Ned's door, and when Ned answers it minutes later Peter already has the feeling that this conversation isn't going to go the way he wants.

"Yo, Peter what's up?" Ned warily asks, this being the first time Peters ever shown up uninvited to his house.

"Ok Ned this is a huge favor-well I'm not sure it's considered a favor..more of just in general a big deal of a question, wait that is a favor though right-"

"Peter, you're rambling." Ned interrupts.

"Right sorry what I meant to say was..well if it couldn't be too big a deal..I..don't really have a place to stay right now and I was wondering-"

"Oh, Peter," Ned's tone has changed to more sympathetic and something else Peter can't identify. "I'm just, listen, I've never mentioned this before but my family struggles a bit with income and sorta...keeping everything together and I'm really sorry Peter cause I'd love to have you stay here but we just don't have enough money to support another kid. Though you do need to fill me in with what happened with May cause she-"

"But I don't need to be supported," Peter bursts in, "I just need a place to sleep and I'm out most of the time anyway! You know that! I can just-"

"Peter look I'm sorry but..you know, you're kinda a lot to deal with, I guess? Like with the whole Spider-Man thing it'd just be too much for my parents. They are stressed enough as it is, Peter I'm being a horrible friend I know but this is something that just can't happen. Like, do you understand man?" It's silent for a minute as Peter digests his words and then-

"Yeah man," he says, his voice a little higher than usual, "it's cool don't stress. Actually I just thought our somewhere else I can stay and it'd actually be more convenient and stuff and I'd be able to be more around the inner city," He knows he is babbling now but it is like a shield to block out his real feelings, and honestly he doesn't want to cause his friend more trouble than he already has. "Actually I'd like to get going now but thanks anyway!"

Before Ned can apologize further and explain more, Peter is already gone around the corner.

**MJ**

Without a real place to stay and not wanting to bother the avengers, Peter has taken to living in his Spider-Man suit almost 24/7 and sleeping on top of buildings. Unfortunately, this also means he had no place to get food from and his measly amount of cash is quickly used for medical supplies after his patrol. He does manage to get some lunch at school some days, which keeps him fed well enough to where he doesn't starve.

With his new living situation, however, school became less of a priority and he mostly goes now as a moral obligation and to sate his friend's and decathlon teammate's worries. Peter figures he is actually doing quite well balancing the team work and his other activities until about a week and a half after he was kicked out by May MJ comes up to talk to him after school.

"Peter, I think I'm going to have to kick you off the team." She states, all pleasantries abandoned as she leans against the lockers.

"Wait what? Why," Peter asks, shocked but with a sinking feeling of dread in his stomach, "I though I was doing really well considering..." he trails off before she continues on.

"Look, I get you're trying your hardest with whatever freaky thing that's going on with your nerd life, but this is a serious competition and we've all noticed how you don't really seem to be into it. You been missing a lot of questions that you should've know for years even. I know you're smart and all but really, we don't want you here to drag us down. I guess you just aren't really reliable?" She pauses after her long rant, and looks up at him casually like all she said was something about the weather. "Great talk," she says, when it becomes apparent he isn't going to respond, and she walks away. After all, it is just a school team. MJ figures kicking him off would relieve him of its chores and help him get through whatever it was that was distracting him. She thinks she is helping him in her own indirect way.

Peter stands there alone for a few seconds more before gathering the rest of his stuff from his locker and leaving the school grounds to the small alley. His head spinning, he changes into his suit before web-slinging away. ' _Why do I always mess everything up_ ', he silently cries out.

He doesn't sleep that night, and the next morning, he doesn't return to school.

**Tony**

About two days or so after being kicked off the decathlon team, he gets a text from Tony Stark asking him to come to the Avengers tower to talk about "some stuff". He texts back asking what this stuff was but doesn't receive a response, so with a sigh he leaves the building he has been staying on to head to the tower.

When he arrives, walking in with a false sense of confidence, he is directed by Tony's AI to the room which Tony is meeting him in. When he sees Tony, he waves but Tony's face reveals that whatever he is about to say, it is not good.

"Hey Mr.Stark I hope it's ok I just walked in here cause your AI, JARVIS, who is really cool by the way, said that-"

"Kid, listen, I'm gonna cut you off right there. Let's cut straight to the deal now so I can get back to whatever extremely important and probably amazing stuff I should be doing right now."

"Uh..okay?" says Peter, unsure about Tony's tone and words, but braces himself for whatever he is about to say.

"Ok so listen, I know you've been missing school the last few days and I wanna know what that's about. Not that I care or anything, I just have to make sure my team members are all good and by the looks of it, you aren't 'all good'. So...what's up kid?"

After a brief silence, Peter can't escape the words welling up in his throat and bursts out, "Well you see Mr. Stark I've been really busy with stuff and patrol and I haven't been feeling too great I guess..but its nothing much and i've got it under control-"

"No, kid, you don't have it under control. I'm not sure what's going on with you right now and frankly, I don't have enough time to figure it out. Just..figure this out and when you do, you can come back." While speaking, Tony can't maintain eye contact and has switched to looked at the wall instead.

"When I come back? W-what do you mean Mr.Stark? Are you k-kicking me off the team?" Peter asks, willing himself not to let tears well in his eyes.

Tony gives a great sigh before continuing, "Right now, the Avengers are focusing on the big picture. Saving people, protecting earth, yadda yadda you catch my drift. We just can't handle your..teenage..problem...things right now. Just..come back when you sort it out". Tony regrets his harsh words once they are out, but the kid has to understand what things are like as a superhero. The world came first, not whatever high school drama Peter's head is stuck in. That being said, something about the situation just doesn't feel right to Tony, but he shrugs off his forebodings and stands his ground.

"I-I understand Mr.Stark." Peter says, not managing to hold back the slight waver in his voice. "I'll figure this out real soon, don't worry about me. I know what to do." And with that, Peter leaves.

Hours later, Tony thinks over the conversation in his head, and still can't shake the feeling that something isn't right. Is it the kid's expression? Is it his words? Something is definitely off, and Tony decides that he would now try to figure it out.

**Peter**

Peter stands on the top of a tall building, masked by his suit and wind making his loose body sway side to side. His eyes shut, he stands listening to the many noises and sounds from the bustling city below. It is so peaceful, he thinks. Such a nice day. A nice day. Yes, it really is such a nice day. Slowly, he opens his eyes and gazes over the edge of the building, the words from everyone important to him swirling around in his mind.

May: _'I feel like it'd be easier for me if you weren't around here anymore.'_

Ned: _'You know, you're kinda a lot to deal with, I guess?'_

MJ: _'I know you're smart and all but really, we don't want you here to drag us down.'_

Mr.Stark: _'We just can't handle your..teenage..problem...things right now. Just..come back when you sort it out'_

Peter gives a harsh laugh at what Mr.Stark had said, because right now he was thinking he might not _be_ coming back. At least, not alive.

Finally, Peter lets his tears start falling and within seconds his face is drenched with evidence of his misery. Well, evidence covered up by his mask. It was fitting in a way, how Peter is always behind a mask in his life and even now, alone on the top of the building, he continues to be hidden from the rest of the world. No one sees his pain of course. Of course.

_'Because that's how it always has been_ ,' he thinks. ' _And that's how it will always be. Unless...'_

Unless.

He falls.

  
The fall is enough to kill a normal kid a hundred times over.

  
After

After, May can't stop crying and wondering how it all went so wrong, how she could have sent him out, and how her darling boy, her son, her _Peter_ could have done..this. She gets no sleep the night the call came, or the night after, or the night after. All she can do is stare at is his empty bed.

After, Ned is so shocked and hurt and _punched_ in the gut that for an hour after he gets the news from a sobbing May, he cannot catch his breath. He can't look at the Lego's in his dingy room. He can't look at the Star Wars posters on his door. He can't even look at himself. After all, his face was the one Peter saw as he was sent away from one of his last hopes.

After, MJ sits on her bed and completely _loses_ it. Peter, nerdy, cute, dorky Peter is gone. And she had sent him off the team. And he is gone. Forever. She grips her hair so hard that blood wells in her scalp. And he is still gone.

Tony had been right there. He had been _right fucking there_. He had known something was wrong, he knew Peter and Peter had been holding something back. So he had followed him out. And he was _right there_. Too late. Far too late. But close enough, close enough while diving down in the suit as fast as it could go to see the fine details on the spider suit before it hit the ground. Before..before he hit the ground. The kid, his kid, his absolute goofy sunshine of a kid who brought warmth and humor and life to everyone around him had his own life extinguished. Right in front of Tony. Right there.

After, Tony sits on his bed, ripped apart by his own hands, several empty bottles of cheap alcohol surrounding him. He has enough time to think of one name, the name of the only person in the world he wants to see right now, before he stumbles off to the bathroom to puke his guts out.

After, they all blame themselves.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! please leave a review, i'm young and i cherish them like the freaking sun. nothing harsh tho plz, i know there's gonna be mistakes and things could be worded differently but this is more of a cleansing for me anyways. thanks! <3


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